Sex on the First Date

Teri Hatcher,
"Desperate Housewives" Actress

Sleeping with a guy on the first date: some say desperate, others say empowered. Teri Hatcher got the discussion going during her recent appearance on The View. We get this discussion going every time we "accidentally" do it, so we're glad that someone's going on record.

When approaching the subject, Terri laughed and confidently proclaimed, "Whatever will be, will be." If you sleep with a guy on the first date and he loses interest because of that, he's probably not the kind of guy who it would've worked out with down the line anyway.

If you hold out and wait until the sixth date, Teri continued, that may work at first. But if he would have left had you slept with him sooner, then that will "probably manifest itself into other problems down the road." (And, if that's all he's after, then you just wasted six really cool date outfits and two manicures on a turd).

Ah the age-old question of whether to sleep with him or not to sleep with him early on. While there isn't a definitive answer (and don't we wish there were), it sure would be nice to hear what an expert has to say. Michelle Otelsberg, Los Angeles Marriage and Family Therapist, has a different take than Teri.

Let's start with the cons, as Otelsberg explains them: "If you have sex on a first date:
-It could lower your chances of having a relationship with the guy because he may think that if you gave it up that easily with him, how many other guys did you give it up that easily with?
-Many people believe that guys are wired to like the chase of dating and when the girl gives it up too quickly, all the mystery is gone and he loses interest
-If you do continue to hang out the expectations of the relationship might be more of friends with benefits than of an exclusive couple
-Sleeping with anyone, but particularly a virtual stranger whose history you don't know, could put you in harms way of contracting an STD or getting pregnant (of course make sure to use protection, but know there are health still risks even if you do)
-You may end up feeling regretful or guilty about it the next morning, because when we're turned on we tend not to think with the rational side of our brain."

If you do sleep with a guy on the first date, Otelsberg explains, "You need to understand and be ok with the possibility that the guy may never call again. So if you're looking for the love of your life and you're someone who gets super attached once you have sex with a guy (most women get more emotionally attached than guys do when it comes to sex), then sleeping with someone on the first date might be more detrimental to you." Also don't quickly jump into the sack if you're doing it to win the guy's acceptance to boost your self-esteem.

So if you're comfortable with just a short fling and you're careful about having protected sex, then the pros are that sex on the first date could simply be a fun experience, and an "enjoyable way to test your chemistry with the guy," Otelsberg explains. (There's a lot of validity to this point: Nothing's worse than thinking that there's nothing wrong with this guy and doodling your names together for weeks...and then finding out that he's into golden showers.)

So a lot of what it comes down to is considering your motivation, and whether you're willing to risk the potential of having a longer-lasting relaysh or not. And hey, if you do fumble, there's always hope for recovering graciously. Or, for writing "X has herpes and loves Hairspray" on a bathroom wall somewhere, if you're not the gracious kind. Hypothetically.


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