I want to start dating more, but how can I get noticed and asked out without seeming aggressive?

Answers (3)

Dr. Stephen Betchen (Marriage & Family Therapist, Sex Therapist) answered (1/2/2013)

Don't try to be perfect, but do try to get yourself in the best shape possible so that you feel and exude confidence.Then, a little eye contact and a nice smile might invite interest.

More On ChickRx:

EXPERT

Michelle Brock (Certified Life Coach & Hypnotist) answered (3/1/2013)

This is a really great question, how does one 'put it out there' that you are interested without stepping outside of your personality, comfort zone, or what you consider to be tactful (or even tasteful!) in different social situations? I agree with you, I think there is an enormous difference between being confident and just downright aggressive. Aggressive women are a total turn off to most men. Why? Because men want to choose, they want the chase, and the excitement of a challenge. This is masculine energy- to see what they want and go after it. My answer to you here is to remember that absolutely everything you do has an energy to it. Everything! I am describing what we often call "exuding" something, meaning giving off a vibe on an energetic level. Some women exude confidence, others come off as cold or calculating. Other women can exude shyness, and in another it reads as insecurity. And, I think that we are all familiar with the woman that just exudes sex- the woman that walks into a room, hips swaying, and with a simple flip of her hair can level every man within sight. This "sexy" woman is not hotter than you. I promise! She only projects that she is, by what she exudes from within herself. Now, maybe she grew up being told how hot she is, and perhaps she cultivates her looks in a certain way because it means a lot to her to maintain this persona (think expensive blow outs, manicures, pilates classes), but she exudes sexiness simply because she believes that about herself. I know several women who are normal-to-average looking who constantly have men falling all over them, as well as women who are drop dead gorgeous who can't get a date to save their lives. This is due to what they exude or the energy they are projecting. Now, this is where you have to do your homework. Ask yourself- what you would like to project? What kind of man are you looking to attract? And why? Are you looking for a fling, a bit of fun that will also give you a chance to feel validated as a desirable woman? Or, are you looking to manifest a life partner, a man who will treat you not only as an equal but something he values highly? Or, something in the middle? These are two very different energies, as the woman who walks in a room screaming sex will get just that- sex. Whereas, a woman that can exude sex (with a bit of mystery- that sex is there but it won't be so easily gotten) but also that they are a happy, funny, interesting, intelligent woman that will be interesting to a man not just tonight, but in the morning as well, will get that. So first, decide what you want to project. And then, practice projecting it. Notice your body language, do you sit with your arms folded over your chest, or in a position that you are not open to the room? In order to be approached, you must look approachable! Smile, try to look relaxed, confident, and sit in a way that a man doesn't have to climb over 3 chairs to talk to you, or even worse- don't have your back toward the man you want to approach you. Also, when you are in a social situation, be mindful of your thoughts- these are what create this energy. Don't look around at the other women and start sizing up where you fit in the attractiveness scale. Ignore them! Don't wonder if you should have worn something else, or if your hair looks ok. This creates negative thoughts that translate into negative energy. I like using mantras- repeat a phrase or two into the mirror before you go out that will direct your mind toward these thoughts. "I am a confident, attractive, fascinating woman and any man who might date me is certainly lucky indeed" or tell yourself "hey, you certainly look hot tonight. Go knock 'em dead!" work great. If you aren't confident (hey, we are human and we all suffer from this at times)- then you must act as if. Pretend! This is mind over matter, and how you train your brain away from these thoughts that will create a vibration around you. When you exude this kind of positive energy, you will find that men will be drawn to you like magnets. They pick up on what you are sending out to them on a vibrational level, even if they are mostly unaware of it consciously. Unlike aggressive women, who may play to a man's ego and get a date or two because the guy liked the attention of being chased, a woman that exudes a magnetic vibration only need focus on controlling her thoughts in the direction she chooses and by being her beautiful, happy self she will land all the dates she can possibly fit on her calendar with men who are drawn to her because of who she is inside. Have fun!