A:

Answers (4)

EXPERT
Amy Levine, MA, CSE (Sex Coach & Sexuality Educator) answered

You're not alone. Many women are in a relationship with a partner that has premature ejaculation (PE). In fact, it's one of the more common issues I tackle with clients I coach.

PE is generally caused by anxiety or excitement. Sometimes, the stage for PE is set during adolescence. The classic scenario: A boy rushes to get off so he doesn't "get caught" masturbating (by a parent, sibling or someone else). Pretty soon this lightning speed pleasure session becomes his routine. Then, when he's intimate with a partner he can't hold back, and this pattern can continue for years. It could also be that you really turn him on. Not to mention, he's likely psyched to get laid. Of course, other mental culprits and physical causes can be to blame. These include stress and giving in to the pleasurable sensations, rather than having an awareness of the levels of arousal and how to navigate them. Ask your boyfriend if any of these are the cause, or if it's something else. If not, don't hold it against him if he doesn't have a clue.

A possible solution to try: If you don't already, use a latex condom with added climax control lubricant like Extended Pleasure by Trojan or Performax by Durex to help him last longer.

Many AASECT-certified sex experts--like myself--can help guys with PE. Our role is to gain insight into the situation and help retrain their minds and bodies through conversation and activities that are done alone or with a partner at home. These techniques often include understanding how to identify sensations leading up to the "point of no return" (the time when a guy realizes he's about to cum and ejaculation is inevitable) and developing the ability to control his arousal.

One tactic, called the stop-start method, requires him to stop the in-and-out motion before he has the feeling he is going to climax, and start once it subsides. Another approach, called the squeeze method, works by applying pressure at the base of his shaft or the corona (ridge under the head of the penis) with the thumb and index finger before climax is imminent.

Many of these tricks can be found online, but truly understanding the process, tweaking it to be relevant to his needs, putting it into practice from a pleasurable perspective rather than a clinical technique, and monitoring progress that leads to change generally works best when discussed with a qualified expert. An MD can prescribe medications, although this is best as a last resort.

With all that said, don't forget to prioritize your own pleasure. You can still reach the Big-O by practicing tons of foreplay. The next time you're together, encourage your guy to lavish you with touch by asking for what you want. You can say something like, "Let's see how turned on I can get from your amazing oral," or lead his hand to your vulva and tell him, "I'd love if you use your magic fingers to make me cum." The point is to welcome the attention, enjoy the sensations and have your orgasm before you and your guy have intercourse.

With practice and patience you'll have your orgasms and your boyfriend will learn to extend his pleasure potential, leading you to an awesome sex life that hopefully causes you both to lose track of time.

 

More On ChickRx:
NinaR commented
great advice! I agree that we ladies have to have higher standards for our men and the pleasure they deliver. together we can change the sexual status quo!
JamesBaxter commented
Yes there are lots of techniques to stop Premature Ejaculation. most of them are covered here - http://www.herbalviagraworld.com/Howtoachievelongsex.html Also, believe it or not there are herbs that stop it here - http://www.herbalviagraworld.com/prematureejaculationandviagra.html
EXPERT
Steven Davidson, LCSW, CST (Licensed Clinical Social Worker & Certified Sex Therapist) answered
We guys in general do not last as long as women. Be patient with him. Be realistic with your expectations. I recommend the book She Comes First, by Dr. Ian Kerner. It contains lots of good advice and sex education for couples dealing with this issue.
More On ChickRx:
Laura4jamie answered
How can he make me have an orgasm if he cums to fast 
More On ChickRx:
Queen Brown answered
After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS'
More On ChickRx: